Sweet Sixteen: White Girl From The Burbs

Ladies, we all remember when we turned 16 and had the biggest hopes and dreams for our first car.  Many of us came from middle class-working class households, so deep down we knew those dreams would remain as dreams and instead would wake up to a 1980 something. Shows like "My Super Sweet Sixteen" from MTV brought out a certain vanity in most teenage girls who expected something like this waiting for them after they get home from their birthday dinner...

Velour skirt and matching zip-up, check!

Ugg Boots, check!

The best Sweet Sixteen present everrrrrrrr, CHECK!

If Range Rovers weren't your dream car you're not a real white girl from the burbs.  Unfortunately, the car we really were going to get was more like this...

Chrysler LeBaron, a more realistic option for a kid about to hit the road.  

Parents, you need to have a sense of mind that your child is more than likely going have a huge temper tantrum when you tell them the Range Rover is no-go.  Be Prepared for something like this...

Here are some tips and reminders you need to share with your manipulative daughter...

1. Remind them that are probably going to run into something or someone during the first 2 years of having a license.  

2. Remind them they are more than likely going to leave the keys in the ignition/door at one point because they are on the phone talking about what that bitch Becky did to her behind her back, (the slut. ) 

3. Remind them that some jealous redneck girl is probably is going to slash her tires and kick her headlights in.  

4.Remind them that they are probably going to spill their Starbucks coffee all over the interior as well as suffer from 2nd degree burns.  

5. Remind them that they are an easy target for intruders, police, and mischief in general.

6. If none of this seems to be working make up the craziest shit you can think of to turn your kids away form wanting that Range or BMW. Bribery also seems to work pretty well with white girls from the burbs.

7. STAND YOUR GROUND!

  In conclusion, don't gas your daughter's heads up with bullshit that it's possible they're going to get a Mercedes when they get their license, because you know damn well that is not true at all,unless you're an idiot who likes to throw their money away.

Come Get Your Kids

Before They

Come and Raise Your Insurance Rates