Reasons Why We Love Drunk White Girls

This is how we want to be portrayed...in a perfect world.

Reasons Why We Love Drunk White Girls

1. Their creativity. 

 2.  Their oral capabilities. That's no Coronita she's slobbing on

3. Their short attention spans.  A fun game of strip poker literally turned lesbian lapdance at the drop of a hat.

4.  Their infatuation for showing off their bare asses.

5. Their general lack of awareness of their surroundings and their ability to piss and vomit at the same time...in public.

6. Their environmental friendliness. She'd rather puke in a trashcan than pollute good ol' Mother Nature. *daps* good lookin out giiiirl

7. Their comfortability. They sleep where the fall, gotta love that about 'em.

8. Their IDGAF attitude...even if she's got the weirdest shaped hands you've ever seen

And Finally...

8.  Their ability to piss off women of other ethnicities.

Appreciate all that we do for you. And in my best Russel Crowe voice, "ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!"

Toast to your favorite drunk white girls and have a wonderful New Year!

Come Get These Parents

It's been a while...I'm sorry for neglecting this blog, I immediately regretted it after I forgot the email and password I use to manage this account.  Quick update, I graduated college and gave birth to a beautiful, healthy baby boy... and now that he is asleep I will revert back to my ignorant ways and critique questionable parenting tactics.  This one is going to be long, I've got a lot of pent up energy that needs to be released.

This is so wrong in so many ways... They could have given that kid 5 bucks and told him to go walk to the nearest 711 or some shit...If you're gonna fuck in front of your child in a car then sending him to the store by himself should be the least of your concerns.

In most parenting books, smothering your child is covered in the chapter on SIDS...but not by being sandwiched between two chubby white people on a motorcycle...maybe they'll include this in the next edition of "What To Expect When You're Expecting" 

Not a damn thing cute about this.  Not only is your child naked and now all over the internet but he is also the size of the family dog which could easily be eaten by the family snake. Well done white parents, well done.  

Ma'am ... your child is rooting, so stop fucking laughing and please offer him one of your engorged titties to suck on instead. Thanks, everyone. 

Why do men do this? It's not funny. This kid is hungry and all you're doing is confusing her and making her upset.  Sir, how would you like it if I offered you a transgendered man post-op from gender reassignment surgery?  Who's laughing now? Exactly

An overweight mother makes for a lazy and mean mother.  She picked him up by the leg like she's cleaning up toys in the play room.  Not a single fuck is given. 

 Is this real life?  What could possibly be the reason -besides murder- for putting a plastic bag (that is supposed to be used for produce) over your child's head??   People who wear regular t-shirts with white flowy skirts make the worst parents. 

"He's fine and totally asleep, no biggie"

Gramps really fucked up this time, but the person who took the photo...not so much.  

That's it this time folks.  If you ever see someone treating their child poorly please take a picture, twit pic it, and then call social services.  A lot of kids are assholes and deserve a good spanking, but most kids don't deserve to be subjected to shit like this by their parents. 

As always, strive for more and do better.

Until Next Time...

Please...Come Get Your Kids

Today is a new day. I am personally believing in a better tomorrow. At this moment I am sitting in a rocking chair; clearing the air of any thoughts of negativity and misguided energy. I am focused on doing my art to leave a positive mark on the world. We must all aspire to do the same. But I too have my flaws. Everyday I make a plan of action to overcome them. But I identify the flaws first. I point them out and tell them why they won't hold me back. 

Please World. Come get your flaws. I mean Kids.

First Comes Love. Then Comes Marriage. Then Comes the baby at the bottom of the Target Carriage.

That may have been a corny joke. But this little boy is on a smooth ride to developmental issues. Just look at the ground and learn things boy. Your future is going to be bright. This must be how baby shoes always get dirty.

What thoughts can you have from inside a cart, on a crowded NY street? Not happy thoughts I presume.

 Clever but Not Classy. People are going to judge you if you transport your kids like this. People are going to judge your kids for being silent while they are being toted around like kids for sale on the black market.What if they really were kid hostages in a crazy ring of child smuggling taking place in the broad daylight organized by a gang of gully grandmothers? What if?...But no one asked. Not a single person stopped to see if the kids were ok. I wouldn't have stopped either. My flaw.

He should be in a seat belt; at least until he grows into his head.

Just put a seat belt on the boy. He's literally 37% out the window of a moving car. One hard brake away from being 100% probably dead. I can't sugar coat it. Buckle up your babies.

It's too late

The fact that he knows and she knows; proves kids will raise kids. Parents have to teach kids the beauty of the pure world. Not the filthy world that they have come to accept. This isn't what God wants. All humans have to agree on that; I hope.

All of the lights in here baby

Why? Why was this allowed? Who worked security and let the baby just slide in to the concert without checking her ID? She doesn't even have solid poops or sleep for more than 2 hours at a time. Why is she out in public but she can't hold her neck up? Maybe i'm just different and this makes sense to other people.

I feel a little better now. I hope to influence change in the world by believing it can be better for us all. I am believing it will be better. I won't do any of these things that you see above. My promise to the world. This alone doesn't make me better. But it makes me 5 steps closer to being better.

Stand Up and Speak Up.

I'm back...trying to give this blog a more educational approach.  I still want you to Come Get Your Kids, and I still want you to go get the parents of those kids because this is one of the problems with America...too many lost souls all over the place living in ignorance and vicariously through Fox News and Geraldo Rivera.

If you live in America, I personally hold you responsible for a few things...

1. Know American History beyond public school education
2. Know when you're wrong
3. Know which battles are yours to fight and not fight

Race Relations in America are at an all time high.  There is a select group of people who believe racism does not exist....It's more than just the "black and white" issue.  Open your eyes! There are tons of different kinds of people in American these days....but no kind of people we as mistreated as African Americans were.  I challenge EVERY citizen or resident of the USA to take a walk in a black man or woman's shoes...It's more than just being black... Try being stripped away from your country without your consent...try being chained and shackled, and working from sun up to sundown in the sweltering heat.  Try having your family being ripped apart and bought and sold in different states and counties.  Try being raped by a person who owns you and having no justice or voice on the matter.  Try watching your brother, or son, or father being accused of raping a white woman because he looked at her.  I dare you to try.  Try being told you have to sit in the back of the bus because you're black, or being denied a seat at a restaurant because you've got your own to go to.  Try watching your son being lynched infront of a blood hungry crowd full of white men, women, and children cheering and applauding.  Try having your teacher tell you there's no hope for you.  Try getting pulled over by the police because your seat is laid back, and your music is loud, or because "you fit the description of a person who just committed a crime."  Try having people on National News stations tell you that your people have the highest unemployment rate (gee, I wonder the fuck why!) Try not getting that job you wanted because other applicants have lighter skin than you. Try getting shot in the back because you were wearing a hoodie and walking through a predominately "white" neighborhood.  THIS my friends, is how it is to be black in America.  Having to get used to being judged or profiled or even ignored by society is NOT normal folks. Not at all.  Most people who did not have to go through these things over history take their perfect little lives for granted....

I'm not here to say that all white people suck...I've said this before and then met some white people who are just like me and completely tired of others' ignorance.  To be white in America has become a burden for me...I see a lot of racism on the inside...a lot.  I've heard people refer to black people as "jiggaboos" when my friends weren't around. What the fuck does that even mean??  I've heard hispanics been called "wetbacks" or "spics" or "beaners" when they weren't present to defend themselves.  Hearing this from people who on the outside look just like me....breaks my heart. A lot of people like that will say those kinds of things because they believe their are in "good company."  I have news for you....just because we both lack color pigment doesn't mean I'm going to agree with you at all.  It's time to stand up and SPEAK UP!

Reader...I challenge you to pick up a book you would have never read, or a movie you would have never watched, or listen to someone you would have never thought you'd listen to... LEARN something new about your country and its' inhabitants.  Be great.  Don't let your children grow up to be privy to snide racial remarks. Don't teach them color....teach them history, tell them the truth. 

I'll leave you with this....

RIP Trayvon Martin.  You're not here today to speak for yourself, so I'm here today to be a voice for you....God Bless your family and friends for losing such a good kid.

Oh and uhhh...take this chick instead.

By the way...here is the link she shared if anyone wants to read it and continue to disagree with her. (I'm Carly).  ----> http://bit.ly/GO3Gud 

Parents; We Need Answers Vol 1.

As of today (1-31-12) I have officially given up hope on the future of America. That's not to say things cant be turned around for the better. But I will be saving money every day for a house in the hills; far, far away from this madness out here. Parents have failed our country. Not all parents...just most of the parents who never finished growing up before they birthed beautiful babies into the world. I fully plan on removing myself from society one day so as to not be confused with the new breed of Americans reeking havoc across our nation. Blame these parents. We Need Answers!

Inside The Mind of A Baby Sitter

 

 

 

 

 

Despicable. Baby has no clue why this dirty hand has been placed over its mouth. Sure it looks funny to people with x-rated senses of humor. What about this baby's future? Nobody cares; not even the baby sitter.

Its just arts & crafts

This is cute....in Arkansas, Alabama and Oklahoma. Everywhere else this is what happens when parents have a drinking habit and share it with their dog. She looks so peaceful. Its because she's intoxicated.

Babies raising Babies

 It's not the children who are misguided; its the parents. Sisterly Love, Pink Crocs and something that is bound to end up broken.

FINE! I'll pose for the picture but i'm not smiling

How did he end up here? Upside down in a world built for adults who find this funny. He looks embarrassed; but his parental figures don't care. I'm sure he was looking for something but this wasn't it. Better luck next time kiddo. For now...this is your legacy on the internet.

The start of a life devoted to forgetting your childhood

This is a crime, i'm sure of it. If this is a joke; i don't think she gets it. If this was supposed to make people "LOL" then mission UN-accomplished. If Parents don't want better for their children how can we?

Dance Dads > Dance Moms

Dance Moms is probably my favorite TV show....judge me if you'd like but those bitches are the shit. HOWEVER, this chubby kid needs his own TV show, and I think the tv show should be called Dance Dads/Bollywood Dance Dads, whatever. Check him out. Only a crazy man would let his child dance in his undies and then publish it to youtube.  There's gotta be Bollywood competitions and I want to watch that shit!

He's so fucking serious too.

God Bless You if you watch the whole thing.

Shalom.

An Ode to Drunken White Girls: Part Two

 Oh, dear sweet white girl you've done it again.

You haven't quite lost but you surely didn't win.

You drank like a man but dressed like a lady

Did you get fucked? You dont remember.... maybe.

A quick How-To guide on the progression of a white girl's night who end up White Girl Wasted.

Step 1: Put your game face on!

Step 2:  Hope to God your coherent friend doesn't let go.

Step 3: trucker hats, chugging, inappropriate touching, and brief nudity. 

Ahhhh, Step 4:  Make out session with the fake lesbians. Kegs are optional.

Step 5: Finally Home! Empty your bladder and see how much alcohol you can puke up before you go to bed and get the spins. This step is crucial to decrease the risk of hangover for the next morning. (By the way, this picture is of me). Giving my roommate a half-hearted thumbs up for clipping my hair back.

Step 5. Done puking, now its time for bed, Strip!!

Step 6.  Lie face down if you're not quite finished purging the night away. This is very important so you dont choke on your own vomit.  And if you forget to put the covers on, you are subject to ignorant levels of body graffiti. 

That about wraps it up. Until next time, Cheers to the white girls!