Halloween: The Good, The Bad, The Awesome

This year for halloween I envision people going even harder than last year. Ladies, if I can't see either your tits or you ass meat, you're doing it wrong.  Fellas, if you and your friends dress up as the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles for the 5th year in a row, you're doing it wrong.  Today we will discuss costume choices, the good, the bad, and the awesome so hopefully you can use this opportunity to brainstorm and/or discuss.

Let's Begin. 

He's doing it right.  This young fella is more than likely going to get some buns tonight for being clever as fuck.  Any drunk girl in a bikini who is willing to sip wine from his loins also will slob on his knob. Well done sir.

Baby Girl...you're doing it wrong.  You have put zero thought or effort into this years' costume choice which is clearly just a bra and panties.  Nobody likes a skinny bitch in her bra and panties walking around like she's really dressing up. Please participate.

Dude....you're doing it wrong. All wrong.

You my friend are doing it right. However I do hope there is some double sided tape involved with this costume.  

You're doing a right! A classic "Dick-in-a-Box" costume. Well done sir, well done.

You're doing it wrong. This is disgusting and you will absolutely be going home alone tonight. Your mother would be ashamed.

Ladies, you're doing it right. I see plenty of ass and titties AND hints of homosexuality. Well done girls.

You are doing it ALL WRONG! I hope someone kicked the shit out of you too.

From the personal archives: My roommates and I in college, we're all doing it wrong.  This night we threw the worst halloween party ever.  No skanks were present, and at least three dudes pissed in my basement on three separate occasions...

That wraps it up folks. Make sure you drink responsibly and ladies I recommend wearing at least 2 pairs of panties just incase one gets caught up in your butt cheek. Last but not least, let your friends prosper.  Halloween is the night to not give a shit and pretend you're some slut who you're not (or maybe you are, I'm not judging). I encourage you to have fun but not to offend anyone.  That last thing you want to do is wear a politically incorrect costume that will shame your family name.

Come Get Your Kids

Come Get Your Kids on Humanizing Dogs.

People love dogs. They're without a doubt man's best friend (unless you're a pussy and/or allergic).  Many people consider their dogs to be a member of the family and treat them as such for the remainder of their short lives.  The focus of today is understanding why white people do strange things to their dogs.

Ok, I get it...your baby is fat and you've got a cute Shar-pei puppy, but c'mon son.  On the day this picture was taken, a seed was planted and the child's life has changed forever. Here's to future eating disorders and mommy issues. (OWNERS ARE WHITE)

.......If this picture was taken on a day other than Halloween, then go kill yourself 5 times. (OWNER IS WHITE)

Sure, this is funny. But why???  Where and how did they acquire a bikini bottom small enough to put on a dog and large enough to cover its' butt hole?  Sickos (OWNERS HAVE TO BE WHITE)

Probably the stupidest thing I've ever seen in my life.  She probably spent a grip too.  (OWNER IS WHITE, EVEN IF I CAN'T SEE HER SKIN, I CAN RECOGNIZE WHITE THIGHS FROM UNDER ANY FABRIC, AND SKETCHERS ARE JUST AS DEAD GIVEAWAY)

The caption says it all folks, this is quite possibly the loneliest picture I've ever seen in my life.  Notice how there is nothing on the deck or the backyard.  This person literarlly has nothing better to do than humiliate their pooch. (ANYONE THAT OWNS A GOLDEN RETRIEVER IS WHITE BY DEFAULT)

I hope you've all learned a thing or two about how white people treat their dogs.  And I'm not saying all white people do this, but its takes a certain kind of white person to dress their dog up as if it were a human.  It's one thing if it's a child messing around because they don't know any better, but its something else when a grown ass adult does it because they think it's funny.  Caesar Milan would be oh-so disappointed with the owners of these dogs.  A dog is meant to be a dog, not a dress up toy.  Remember whites; not only are you embarrassing your dog, you are also destroying the perceptions of those who are close to you (i.e your children) on how to treat animals.   

Come Get Your Kids

before they

Come Get Your Dogs