Thursday, December 27, 2012

Reasons Why We Love Drunk White Girls

This is how we want to be portrayed...in a perfect world.

Reasons Why We Love Drunk White Girls

1. Their creativity. 


 2.  Their oral capabilities. That's no Coronita she's slobbing on


3. Their short attention spans.  A fun game of strip poker literally turned lesbian lapdance at the drop of a hat.

4.  Their infatuation for showing off their bare asses.

5. Their general lack of awareness of their surroundings and their ability to piss and vomit at the same time...in public.

6. Their environmental friendliness. She'd rather puke in a trashcan than pollute good ol' Mother Nature. *daps* good lookin out giiiirl

7. Their comfortability. They sleep where the fall, gotta love that about 'em.

8. Their IDGAF attitude...even if she's got the weirdest shaped hands you've ever seen


And Finally...
8.  Their ability to piss off women of other ethnicities.

Appreciate all that we do for you. And in my best Russel Crowe voice, "ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!"

Toast to your favorite drunk white girls and have a wonderful New Year!


Thursday, November 8, 2012

Come Get These Parents

It's been a while...I'm sorry for neglecting this blog, I immediately regretted it after I forgot the email and password I use to manage this account.  Quick update, I graduated college and gave birth to a beautiful, healthy baby boy... and now that he is asleep I will revert back to my ignorant ways and critique questionable parenting tactics.  This one is going to be long, I've got a lot of pent up energy that needs to be released.


This is so wrong in so many ways... They could have given that kid 5 bucks and told him to go walk to the nearest 711 or some shit...If you're gonna fuck in front of your child in a car then sending him to the store by himself should be the least of your concerns.

In most parenting books, smothering your child is covered in the chapter on SIDS...but not by being sandwiched between two chubby white people on a motorcycle...maybe they'll include this in the next edition of "What To Expect When You're Expecting" 

Not a damn thing cute about this.  Not only is your child naked and now all over the internet but he is also the size of the family dog which could easily be eaten by the family snake. Well done white parents, well done.  

Ma'am ... your child is rooting, so stop fucking laughing and please offer him one of your engorged titties to suck on instead. Thanks, everyone. 

Why do men do this? It's not funny. This kid is hungry and all you're doing is confusing her and making her upset.  Sir, how would you like it if I offered you a transgendered man post-op from gender reassignment surgery?  Who's laughing now? Exactly

An overweight mother makes for a lazy and mean mother.  She picked him up by the leg like she's cleaning up toys in the play room.  Not a single fuck is given. 

 Is this real life?  What could possibly be the reason -besides murder- for putting a plastic bag (that is supposed to be used for produce) over your child's head??   People who wear regular t-shirts with white flowy skirts make the worst parents. 

"He's fine and totally asleep, no biggie"

Gramps really fucked up this time, but the person who took the photo...not so much.  

That's it this time folks.  If you ever see someone treating their child poorly please take a picture, twit pic it, and then call social services.  A lot of kids are assholes and deserve a good spanking, but most kids don't deserve to be subjected to shit like this by their parents. 

As always, strive for more and do better.

Until Next Time...

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Please...Come Get Your Kids

Today is a new day. I am personally believing in a better tomorrow. At this moment I am sitting in a rocking chair; clearing the air of any thoughts of negativity and misguided energy. I am focused on doing my art to leave a positive mark on the world. We must all aspire to do the same. But I too have my flaws. Everyday I make a plan of action to overcome them. But I identify the flaws first. I point them out and tell them why they won't hold me back. 
Please World. Come get your flaws. I mean Kids.
First Comes Love. Then Comes Marriage. Then Comes the baby at the bottom of the Target Carriage.
That may have been a corny joke. But this little boy is on a smooth ride to developmental issues. Just look at the ground and learn things boy. Your future is going to be bright. This must be how baby shoes always get dirty.
What thoughts can you have from inside a cart, on a crowded NY street? Not happy thoughts I presume.
 Clever but Not Classy. People are going to judge you if you transport your kids like this. People are going to judge your kids for being silent while they are being toted around like kids for sale on the black market.What if they really were kid hostages in a crazy ring of child smuggling taking place in the broad daylight organized by a gang of gully grandmothers? What if?...But no one asked. Not a single person stopped to see if the kids were ok. I wouldn't have stopped either. My flaw.
He should be in a seat belt; at least until he grows into his head.
Just put a seat belt on the boy. He's literally 37% out the window of a moving car. One hard brake away from being 100% probably dead. I can't sugar coat it. Buckle up your babies.
It's too late
The fact that he knows and she knows; proves kids will raise kids. Parents have to teach kids the beauty of the pure world. Not the filthy world that they have come to accept. This isn't what God wants. All humans have to agree on that; I hope.
All of the lights in here baby
Why? Why was this allowed? Who worked security and let the baby just slide in to the concert without checking her ID? She doesn't even have solid poops or sleep for more than 2 hours at a time. Why is she out in public but she can't hold her neck up? Maybe i'm just different and this makes sense to other people.

I feel a little better now. I hope to influence change in the world by believing it can be better for us all. I am believing it will be better. I won't do any of these things that you see above. My promise to the world. This alone doesn't make me better. But it makes me 5 steps closer to being better.

Sunday, March 25, 2012

Stand Up and Speak Up.

I'm back...trying to give this blog a more educational approach.  I still want you to Come Get Your Kids, and I still want you to go get the parents of those kids because this is one of the problems with America...too many lost souls all over the place living in ignorance and vicariously through Fox News and Geraldo Rivera.

If you live in America, I personally hold you responsible for a few things...

  1. Know American History beyond public school education
  2. Know when you're wrong
  3. Know which battles are yours to fight and not fight
Race Relations in America are at an all time high.  There is a select group of people who believe racism does not exist....It's more than just the "black and white" issue.  Open your eyes! There are tons of different kinds of people in American these days....but no kind of people we as mistreated as African Americans were.  I challenge EVERY citizen or resident of the USA to take a walk in a black man or woman's shoes...It's more than just being black... Try being stripped away from your country without your consent...try being chained and shackled, and working from sun up to sundown in the sweltering heat.  Try having your family being ripped apart and bought and sold in different states and counties.  Try being raped by a person who owns you and having no justice or voice on the matter.  Try watching your brother, or son, or father being accused of raping a white woman because he looked at her.  I dare you to try.  Try being told you have to sit in the back of the bus because you're black, or being denied a seat at a restaurant because you've got your own to go to.  Try watching your son being lynched infront of a blood hungry crowd full of white men, women, and children cheering and applauding.  Try having your teacher tell you there's no hope for you.  Try getting pulled over by the police because your seat is laid back, and your music is loud, or because "you fit the description of a person who just committed a crime."  Try having people on National News stations tell you that your people have the highest unemployment rate (gee, I wonder the fuck why!) Try not getting that job you wanted because other applicants have lighter skin than you. Try getting shot in the back because you were wearing a hoodie and walking through a predominately "white" neighborhood.  THIS my friends, is how it is to be black in America.  Having to get used to being judged or profiled or even ignored by society is NOT normal folks. Not at all.  Most people who did not have to go through these things over history take their perfect little lives for granted....

I'm not here to say that all white people suck...I've said this before and then met some white people who are just like me and completely tired of others' ignorance.  To be white in America has become a burden for me...I see a lot of racism on the inside...a lot.  I've heard people refer to black people as "jiggaboos" when my friends weren't around. What the fuck does that even mean??  I've heard hispanics been called "wetbacks" or "spics" or "beaners" when they weren't present to defend themselves.  Hearing this from people who on the outside look just like me....breaks my heart. A lot of people like that will say those kinds of things because they believe their are in "good company."  I have news for you....just because we both lack color pigment doesn't mean I'm going to agree with you at all.  It's time to stand up and SPEAK UP!

Reader...I challenge you to pick up a book you would have never read, or a movie you would have never watched, or listen to someone you would have never thought you'd listen to... LEARN something new about your country and its' inhabitants.  Be great.  Don't let your children grow up to be privy to snide racial remarks. Don't teach them color....teach them history, tell them the truth. 

I'll leave you with this....
RIP Trayvon Martin.  You're not here today to speak for yourself, so I'm here today to be a voice for you....God Bless your family and friends for losing such a good kid.


Oh and uhhh...take this chick instead.

By the way...here is the link she shared if anyone wants to read it and continue to disagree with her. (I'm Carly).  ----> http://bit.ly/GO3Gud 

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Parents; We Need Answers Vol 1.

As of today (1-31-12) I have officially given up hope on the future of America. That's not to say things cant be turned around for the better. But I will be saving money every day for a house in the hills; far, far away from this madness out here. Parents have failed our country. Not all parents...just most of the parents who never finished growing up before they birthed beautiful babies into the world. I fully plan on removing myself from society one day so as to not be confused with the new breed of Americans reeking havoc across our nation. Blame these parents. We Need Answers!
Inside The Mind of A Baby Sitter     
Despicable. Baby has no clue why this dirty hand has been placed over its mouth. Sure it looks funny to people with x-rated senses of humor. What about this baby's future? Nobody cares; not even the baby sitter.
Its just arts & crafts
This is cute....in Arkansas, Alabama and Oklahoma. Everywhere else this is what happens when parents have a drinking habit and share it with their dog. She looks so peaceful. Its because she's intoxicated.
Babies raising Babies
 It's not the children who are misguided; its the parents. Sisterly Love, Pink Crocs and something that is bound to end up broken.
FINE! I'll pose for the picture but i'm not smiling
How did he end up here? Upside down in a world built for adults who find this funny. He looks embarrassed; but his parental figures don't care. I'm sure he was looking for something but this wasn't it. Better luck next time kiddo. For now...this is your legacy on the internet.
The start of a life devoted to forgetting your childhood
This is a crime, i'm sure of it. If this is a joke; i don't think she gets it. If this was supposed to make people "LOL" then mission UN-accomplished. If Parents don't want better for their children how can we?

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Dance Dads > Dance Moms

Dance Moms is probably my favorite TV show....judge me if you'd like but those bitches are the shit. HOWEVER, this chubby kid needs his own TV show, and I think the tv show should be called Dance Dads/Bollywood Dance Dads, whatever. Check him out. Only a crazy man would let his child dance in his undies and then publish it to youtube.  There's gotta be Bollywood competitions and I want to watch that shit!

He's so fucking serious too.

God Bless You if you watch the whole thing.

Shalom.

Monday, January 23, 2012

An Ode to Drunken White Girls: Part Two

 Oh, dear sweet white girl you've done it again.
You haven't quite lost but you surely didn't win.
You drank like a man but dressed like a lady
Did you get fucked? You dont remember.... maybe.


A quick How-To guide on the progression of a white girl's night who end up White Girl Wasted.

Step 1: Put your game face on!

Step 2:  Hope to God your coherent friend doesn't let go.

Step 3: trucker hats, chugging, inappropriate touching, and brief nudity. 

Ahhhh, Step 4:  Make out session with the fake lesbians. Kegs are optional.

Step 5: Finally Home! Empty your bladder and see how much alcohol you can puke up before you go to bed and get the spins. This step is crucial to decrease the risk of hangover for the next morning. (By the way, this picture is of me). Giving my roommate a half-hearted thumbs up for clipping my hair back.

Step 5. Done puking, now its time for bed, Strip!!

Step 6.  Lie face down if you're not quite finished purging the night away. This is very important so you dont choke on your own vomit.  And if you forget to put the covers on, you are subject to ignorant levels of body graffiti. 

That about wraps it up. Until next time, Cheers to the white girls!



Monday, January 16, 2012

Remembering Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Instead of doing what I normally do and make fun of white people today I'm going to take some time to share some intellect and deliver more of a positive message.  Unfortunately, I went to Public school and in public school all that is really covered about African American History is Harriet Tubman, Abe Lincoln, and Dr. King's "I Have A Dream" speech.  However, in college I signed up for any and every class on African American History and Literature because I knew I was missing something.  This post is for those that feel as though they are missing something.


In the next few paragraphs I will provide you with text directly taken from "The Norton Anthology of African American Literature" by Henry Louis Gates Jr. (one of my prized books from college) about Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and his "Letter From Birmingham Jail" (remember that?)


"Martin Luther King's "Letter from Birmingham Jail" was written in 1963 while King was serving a jail sentence for participating in demonstations in Birmingham, Alabama.  The eloquent testimony was in large part a response to eight white "liberal" Alabama clergymen who had collectively drafted an open letter early in 1963 that addressed King's particular engagement in the civil rights movement.  They entreated with King to limit his battle for integration to local and federal courts and cautioned him that his peaceful/pacifist resistance could serve to incite further civil disturbance and rioting.  Dr. King wanted to suggest to such critics that a Christianity that in any way sanctioned racial oppression and prejudice was morally bankrupt and that the demands of the gospel transcended the social mores of the South.

The title of the piece (which was written on scraps of paper provided to King by the jail's black trustees) was chosen to evoke the memory of the apostle Paul, who was jailed many times for the sake of Jesus.  In 1956, Dr. King had preached a sermon titled "Paul's Letter to American Christians."  This sermon contained most of the points found in his own "letter" including the central tenet that the segregation contradicted America's democratic faith and religious heritage.

"Letters from Birmingham Jail" was instrumental in galvanizing U.S. public opinion around issues of black civil rights. King himself believed that it was indispensable in helping him and others to conceptualise the 1963 March on Washington and that is influenced the legislation that allowed the 1963 Civil Rights Bill to come into being.  The Letter was widely circulated by the national and international media; not surprisingly, it shook the conscience of the United States.

With the publication of the "Letter from Birmingham Jail" came an enormous outpouring of support for the civil rights struggle from myriad organizations and individuals.  Finances were suddenly available, and coalitions of a new type were forged.  For instance, soon after absorbing the import of the letter, the leadership of the National Council of Churches urged its thirty-one member denominations to initiate "nationwide organizations against racial discrimination." -Henry Louis Gates Jr.

Quotes from "Letters From Birmingham Jail" by Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

"Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere."

"In any nonviolent campaign there are four basic steps: collections of the facts to determine whether injustices exist; negotiation; self-purifications; and direct action."

"But I must confess that I am not afraid of the word "tension".  I have earnestly opposed violent tension, but there is a type of constructive, nonviolent tension which is necessary for growth."

"We know through painful experience that freedom is never voluntarily given by the oppressor; it must be demanded by the oppressed."

"We should never forget that everything Adolf Hitler did in Germany was "legal" and everything in the Hungarian freedom fighters did in Hungary was "illegal."  It was "illegal" to aid and comfort a Jew in Hitler's Germany.  Even so, I am sure that had I lived in Germany at the time, I would have aided and comforted my Jewish brothers."

"I had hoped that the white moderate would understand that law and order exist for the purpose of establishing justice and that when they fail i this purpose they become the dangerously structured dams that block the flow of social progress."

"Let us all hope that the dark clouds of racial prejudice will soon pass away and the deep fog of misunderstanding will be lifted from our fear-drenched communities, and in some not too distant tomorrow the radiant starts of love and brotherhood will shine over our great nations with all their scintillating beauty."


I encourage and challenge you to learn something new about the man that took a chance on this country.  He may not be here today to see what he has done, but we can thank him by actually remembering his work instead of sleeping in and getting an excuse not to go to our job.  Come Get Your Kids and sit them down and tell them the story of a man that had a dream but didn't live long enough to see it come true.



Thursday, January 12, 2012

Guns Don't Kill People. People Do.

Guns....I don't like them.  However, I have used one, and I did kill a bird once with one.  I do not like them around me they make me nervous and give me panic attacks.  I'm not against them, but I'd prefer them to be out of sight out of mind.  Because many people associate guns with gangs, drug dealers, and rap music (thanks TV) I thought I'd take this time to oppose such stereotypes by sharing some pictures with you of my people acting foolishly around their family with guns. 

I bet you none of them can recite Waka Flaka lyrics or sell drugs.

Not only is that gun pointed at that baby but that haircut should be prosecuted in a court of law.

"Merry Christmas, I'm about to blow your fucking head off - CHEEEESE!"

I'm not even sure if that is a gun, but that deer is definitely dead and that family gives no actual fucks for Bambi's life ending prematurely.

There is too many things wrong with this picture....way too many.

So if you're the type of person who flinches or locks your car doors when you see a black or latin or asian person, I challenge you to equally fear the whites too.  They very well could be more of a threat, you never know.  Call me racist if you want Robin, but the people must be warned.  White people are not exempt from gun violence, don't be fooled! 

Thanks for fake caring and listening.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Willow, Willow, Willow


Someone needs to be fired. The Pole Maker, The Ugg Boots, The Picture Taker, The Godmother...someone should lose their job as a result of this picture. Man....How is an 11 year old even allowed this much freedom? To hang on a stripper pole that may or may not have been sterilized. Little kids don't wash their hands or believe in bathing regularly. I know she's a future entertainer but she still sweats under her arm pits. Pause at me even having to be the parental voice. But i'm racists and only talk about white people so this is out of my realm of expertise. America...Hollyweird...Come Get Your Kid.

Monday, January 9, 2012

Come Get Your Kids on Pole Dancing

As a disclaimer, I will say I am not in anyway shape or form against the ART of pole dancing or stripping.  In fact I support it, and if I could slide a dollar in a g-string without feeling uncomfortable I would!  Men appreciate you, and I appreciate you as well.  You are the ones keeping my man occupied while he eats chicken wings at 3am while you do things on stage he doesn't see from me.  Thank you for taking that responsibility of knowing how to twerk, I will leave these things to you... the professionals.

With that being said and without further adieu....let's get this started shall we?

As stated in my disclaimer I support the pole dancers, thank you. But there are a few things I do not support and will be shown to you in the following pictures.  

This picture is more playful than anything it doesn't make me mad, but I can't support it because its doubtful the baby made this choice on her own. 


I don't support this behavior from fathers... Why sir are you taking a nice little flip-phone shot of the lady in red's poop shooter while your daughter clearly is showing signs of uncomfortableness! Why is she even there? C'mon son.


I do not support this, but I do support photoshop, crop your daughter out please and thank you.


*Sigh* The electrical outlet is exposed. Babies don't care about stripping on lamps, they want to stick their tiny fingers in those neat looking holes.


Wait! Who let the girl with the pacifier in? I DO NOT SUPPORT GIRLS at bachelor parties!!! Ridiculous

Who am I to say that some of these girls will end up as strippers when they grow up? Because the future is still among us and I don't know what is in store for them.  Sure, they might be influenced by what they have seen from their parents but hey strippers are always in high in demand so, fuck it.  Doctor, stripper, lawyer, hooters girl, whatever gets the bills paid and makes you happy, I'm all for it.
Thank you Miley Cirus, I see 3 jawns in the crowd with only a few more years to go until they're legal. I thank you, and men all over the country thank you as well. Homage.


Oh, and sorry Robin....
COME GET YOUR KIDS